


Keep It Close

by Kiraly



Category: A Redtail's Dream (Webcomic)
Genre: 5 Times, F/F, Pining, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 17:07:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9667421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiraly/pseuds/Kiraly
Summary: Riikka keeps a lot of things close to her chest. Most of the time it's easier not to say anything, especially when it comes to her feelings for Jonna. But some things are better when shared.Or, "Five times Riikka kept her feelings to herself, and one time she didn't."





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yuuago](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuuago/gifts).



> Happy Chocolate Box, yuuago! I saw your prompt for these two, and the idea of Riikka having a crush while Jonna was clueless caught me immediately. It got rolled up with the five times format you mentioned, and...here we are. I hope you enjoy this extra treat!

Riikka couldn’t remember the moment she and Jonna became friends. Not that she didn’t care; if she’d known then what a momentous occasion it was, she would have made note of it. But Jonna’s friendship came lumped together with Paju’s and Hannu’s, and of course in those days she and Joona were practically attached at the hip. Far easier to say that at some point she’d ended up with friends, instead of noting them individually.

But Riikka couldn’t forget the moment she started seeing Jonna as something more. It struck in that awkward span of years when they weren’t really children but hadn’t quite figured out how to be adults. Which left nothing for them but a sea of hormones and insecurities, petty fights that nearly fractured friendships beyond repair. In the midst of the chaos and confusion, Riikka found a moment of stark clarity.

“We’re not gonna be able to switch places anymore,” Jonna lamented, lying sideways on Paju’s bed with her head hanging over the edge. Strands of blond hair stuck out every which way, bright against the purple quilt. “He actually has to  _ shave his face  _ now, can you believe it? It’s not  _ fair!”  _

Paju, ever practical, pointed out, “But he’s been taller than you for like a year now, you couldn’t really switch places anyway. And you have...you know.” She made a vague gesture at Jonna’s chest, which marked another change to set the twins apart. “And come on. You don’t  _ want  _ a beard, do you?” 

“Eww, no!” Jonna pulled a face, and she looked so silly upside-down that Riikka couldn’t help giggling. “It’s just, there’s no  _ way  _ I’m gonna pass math now if I can’t get him to sit in for me.”

“Don’t be silly.”

Paju and Jonna both turned to stare. Riikka fought down her blush and resisted the urge to bury her face in her hands. Even after all these years, she usually didn’t talk much, especially not if it required contradicting someone. “I just meant...you’re really smart. You can get better at math, if you try! I could—or I mean, probably Paju could help you better than I can.” 

That was all it took to set Paju off in a frenzy of organization, pulling out paper and pens to make a color-coordinated study schedule. Jonna rolled over and gave Riikka a rueful glance.

“Do you really think I’m...smart? Sometimes it feels like Joona got all the brains. Which should mean I got all the looks, except we look pretty much the same.”

“Of course I think you’re smart!”  _ And you’re so much prettier than Joona.  _ The thought caught her by surprise.  _ Wait, when did that happen? I used to think they looked basically the same too, but…  _ But now that she’d had the thought, it wouldn’t go away. She liked both of the twins, of course, but...it was Jonna she sought out most often. Jonna’s face was the one she thought of first, when someone mentioned the Kuikka siblings. Jonna who was watching her now, curiosity written on her face.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?”

_ You. No, I can’t say that!  _ “Oh, um...just...math tests. Do you think Paju would let me join the study group? I know I’m younger, but I could probably use the help, too.”

* * *

 

“No no NO! Hannu, you’re supposed to step back and  _ then  _ spin me, you keep doing it wrong!” Paju’s shout cut through the music, and the rest of them stopped to watch.

Hannu glowered. “I  _ told  _ you, I don’t want to do this! It’s stupid.”

“Dancing is not stupid,  _ you’re _ stupid and—hey! Get back here, we aren’t done!” But Hannu was already gone, and Paju stomped after him, still shouting. 

Joona laughed. “Told you it wouldn’t last long. That was, what, twenty minutes?”

“Fifteen,” Jonna said. She stepped back from her brother and stretched. “Good thing, too, your hands are all sweaty.”

“Hey, it’s not  _ my  _ fault Paju’s yelling makes me sweat, she’s scary!” Joona wiped his hands on his pants. “Anyway, now that she’s distracted, it’s our chance to flee. Come on!” He exited through the back door, and Anssi followed him. Jonna turned to go too, but stopped when she saw Riikka hadn’t moved. 

“Aren’t you coming?”

Riikka twisted the end of one of her braids. “Oh, yes. In a minute. I just...really like this song.” And privately, she liked the idea of dancing to it. Not with her brother like she’d been doing for Paju’s practice session, of course. With someone special. Someone who wanted to dance with her, too. Without the others around to distract her, she could close her eyes and picture it.

“It is a good one, isn’t it?” Jonna hadn’t left with the others. When Riikka opened her eyes, she was standing in front of her, holding out her hand. “Want to try again? The boys keep messing around, I bet I can do a better job than any of them.”

“O-okay.” Red-faced, she took Jonna’s hand and let herself be pulled into the dance. Jonna was right; she  _ was  _ a better dance partner than Anssi, and probably better than Joona, too. Riikka didn’t bother comparing her to Hannu, because he clearly hadn’t been trying. But Jonna seemed to have no trouble with the steps, even though they were backwards from what she’d practiced. She guided Riikka through the dance, spinning her at all the right times. At the end, she dipped her low—which was  _ not  _ part of what they’d been learning—and straightened, laughing. 

“Sorry, I couldn’t help it—I saw that on TV and it looked like fun!” 

“It...it was!” Riikka’s breath came out in shaky bursts, and not just from the exertion. It was a good thing Jonna still held her, because she wasn’t sure her legs would support her. “T-thanks.”

“You were right, that is a good song for dancing. It’s almost too bad we had to cut practice short, but…” Jonna shrugged. “Maybe someday you’ll find someone special, and they’ll dance to it with you.” She loosened her grip then, and Riikka was glad to see that her knees held her weight with only a little shaking. 

“Yeah. Maybe I will.”  _ Or maybe I already have.  _

* * *

 

“Thanks for letting me sleep over,” Jonna said, punching her pillow into a more comfortable shape. “If I had to put up with one more night of crying, I don’t know what I would have done.” She flopped face-first onto the bed.

Riikka tugged the blanket higher. “Of course. I’m sure it’s a little crazy around your house right now. If you ever need a break—if you need anything—” she didn’t finish the sentence. How could she explain that Jonna could call on her anytime, day or night, without going overboard? Jonna had enough to worry about. She didn’t need to add Riikka’s crush to that list.

Jonna sighed and rolled over to face Riikka. “Thanks. I used to be excited about having a baby sister, but now...with Dad so upset, and the rumors, and Oona crying  _ all the time,  _ it’s not exactly what I imagined.”

That made sense. With everything that had happened, of course Jonna’s dad would be sad. And babies did cry a lot, especially the newest member of the Kuikka family. But the other thing—

“What do you mean by ‘rumors’?” Riikka asked. “I thought everyone knew what happened. Your mom came back for a while, left again, and then came back just long enough to leave Oona. It’s not like your dad tried to keep it a secret.” Not like he could have, in a town this size, but he’d been very open about it to anyone who asked.

Jonna didn’t answer for a while. Eventually, she said, “Oh, it’s just...stupid people saying stupid things.” When she didn’t say anything more, Riikka thought the matter was closed. But then—

“Some people think...that Oona isn’t my sister. They think she’s  _ mine.”  _

“What?” Riikka sat bolt upright. The thought of Jonna—no, it was too insane, how could anyone think such a thing? “What is wrong with people? You would have—it would have been obvious, there’s no way you could have hidden something like that.”

“Tell me about it.” Jonna rolled onto her back and folded her hands across her stomach. “I mean, maybe I’ve packed on a little weight in the last few months, but I work in a  _ bakery  _ for goodness sake! I really don’t think that should surprise anyone.”

Riikka shook her head. “Don’t be silly, no one would ever accuse you of gaining weight. And certainly not enough to hide a baby!” She laid her hand on top of Jonna’s, hardly aware of what she was doing. “No way could Oona have ever fit in there.”

Jonna looked down at their joined hands. A small smile lit her mouth. “All right, if you say so. Like I said, it’s just a dumb rumor. No one really believes it.”

Riikka returned to her side of the bed. “Okay. If anyone else says anything about it, tell me, okay? I’ll give them a piece of my mind!”

That made Jonna laugh out loud. “No you wouldn’t! You’re too nice for that.”

“Fine. I’d tell Paju, and  _ she’d  _ do it.”

They lapsed into silence for a while, letting the mental image of Paju in a rage dispel the ugliness of the rumor. Then Riikka said, “Who do they think the father is, anyway? Oona looks just like your dad.”

Jonna let out another snort of laughter. “Oh god, I left out the best part! They think it’s Hannu, can you believe it? As if I’d ever—no. Oona might be a grumpy little baby, but there are limits. I like to think, if I  _ do  _ ever sleep with someone, I’d have more self-respect.”

Riikka laughed with her, but the offhand comment left her wondering.  _ If she does ever sleep with someone. I wonder what kind of person that would be? It’s not the kind of thing we usually talk about. I know what I  _ wish,  _ but that doesn’t mean it’s what Jonna wants.  _ She was still wondering when she drifted off to sleep.

Much later, it occurred to her that Jonna had, in one sense of the word, slept with _ her.  _

* * *

 

Riikka dipped her toes in the water, watching the ripples fan out and away. No one used this old dock for anything anymore, not since they’d built the new one in a more central spot. That made this one a perfect place to come and think, when she needed some quiet. She needed it now.

So when footsteps creaked across the old boards, she wasn’t exactly pleased. She didn’t really want to see anyone. People thought she was sweet and nice, but right now she mostly felt angry. Company would probably just make it worse.

But the steps came closer, and soon reached the spot where Riikka sat. A weight settled next to her.

“Hey.” 

“Hey, Jonna.” She didn’t know what else to say, so she stayed quiet. It had always worked before.

Not this time, though. “How are you holding up?” Jonna’s voice bled concern.

“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Jonna snorted. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe because Hannu drove your car  _ into the lake?  _ I think you have a right to be upset about that.”

Riikka pulled her feet from the water and tucked her knees to her chest. “I don’t want to talk about Hannu.” If she said anything about him, she’d say everything, and then where would she be? Just an angry girl saying angry things that she’d regret later. She didn’t want Jonna to see her like that.

“Okay.” Jonna pulled her shoes off to submerge her feet, swinging her legs back and forth. “You don’t have to talk. But let me just say, if Hannu was here right now, I’d punch his stupid face and push him right in the lake.”

A giggle escaped Riikka before she could stop it. “That would be something to see.”

“Don’t think I wouldn’t do it! I’m not as nice as you are.”

“I’m  _ not  _ nice.”

Jonna raised an eyebrow. “No?” 

Riikka flushed and turned away to avoid her knowing gaze. “Not...all the time. Not today.”

“Well. Thank goodness for that.” Jonna slung an arm around her. “Hannu doesn’t deserve kindness right now, he needs—”

“To be pushed in the lake?” In spite of herself, Riikka felt a smile tugging at her lips.

“Yeah, that. Want me to go find him for you? We could push him in together.” 

A laugh bubbled up in Riikka’s chest. “No. I think I’ll be all right.” She was still upset about her car, but Jonna’s presence made it easier to bear. And truthfully, she’d rather sit here, just the two of them, than try to get revenge.

“Okay. If you’re sure. But the offer stands.”

Riikka smiled. Everyone thought she was the sweet one, but she knew better. 

* * *

 

“Aww, man!” Jonna hung up her phone and slouched in her chair. “There go my plans for my day off. Paju and I were going to check out that new cafe in the city, but she bailed on me. Too many papers to grade.”

“You could always hang out here with your favorite brother,” Joona said, leaning back so his chair rested on two legs. Jonna scowled and gave him a little push—the chair overbalanced, and he had to lean forward in a hurry to keep from toppling. “Hey!” 

“I’m not hanging out here on my day off, you’ll just try to get me to do your work for you!” Jonna said. She sighed. “Still, I would have liked to go to the city.” Her downcast expression only lasted for a minute though. “Hey, wait—Riikka, what are you doing tomorrow?”

Riikka froze with a piece of bread halfway to her mouth. “Me? Oh, nothing much.”

Jonna grabbed her hand. “Perfect! Do you want to come to the city with me tomorrow? I’ll buy you a fancy coffee!”

Riikka could feel the blush creeping up her neck. “Oh, sure...that...that would be nice!”  _ Stop that,  _ she told herself,  _ it’s not like it’s a date.  _

Before they could make detailed plans, Jonna was called back to the kitchen. She went, promising to text Riikka later, and left Joona and Riikka by themselves. Riikka found herself the subject of an amused blue gaze.

“What?”

Joona propped his elbows on the table. “Oh, nothing. It’s just, I’m amazed Jonna hasn’t figured it out yet. You’re pretty obvious.”

“I’m...what?”  _ Oh, no. How does he know? More importantly, how did he figure it out if Jonna didn’t?  _

He snorted. “Please. I’ve known for ages. Everyone knows.”

“E-everyone?”  _ But not Jonna? She’s the only one who matters!  _

“It’s not like it’s anything to be ashamed of,” Joona continued, “Plenty of people are like that. You aren’t  _ that  _ weird. Hell, I used to have the same problem.”

_ Wait. WHAT?  _

“You should just tell Jonna you don’t like coffee, she won’t be offended. I bet that cafe sells other drinks, too!”

Air whooshed into Riikka’s lungs—she’d forgotten to breathe for a second. “Oh. Right. That’s a good idea. I’ll just...tell Jonna. That I don’t like coffee.” 

It wasn’t what she should be confessing—but maybe, if she started with that, she could work up to telling Jonna something more important.

* * *

 

The air was crisp, with an edge to the breeze that hinted at snow. Jonna and Riikka walked with their hands stuffed into their pockets, elbows bumping together sometimes. Laughter punctuated the flow of their conversation.

“Honestly, I swear those two act like an old married couple sometimes,” Jonna was saying. They’d just spent an afternoon listening to Hannu lecture Ville about his diet, until Jonna pointed out that Hannu was starting to sound like Paju. Hannu had sulked, and Ville tried to comfort him—but he still ate that third hotdog. “Who would have thought that Hannu of all people would find someone? I haven’t seen him act like this with anyone besides his dog.” 

“Yeah. Poor Dog-Ville. You know, hotdogs were his favorite food, too,” Riikka said.

“Yeah.” Jonna frowned. “Riikka...do you ever feel like there’s something  _ weird  _ about that whole situation? Hannu comes out of the woods with a friend  _ no one  _ has ever met before, and suddenly they’re roommates?”

Riikka stared at her. “So...what, you think Ville isn’t who he says he is? I don’t know, Jonna. He’s so open, I doubt he could keep a secret for long.”

“Maybe not, but Hannu could. And you know Ville gets confused sometimes. Plus there’s, you know, the whole ‘having the same name as Hannu’s dog’ thing. And that was right around when Dog-Ville disappeared!” Jonna’s hands left her pockets to gesture wildly as she warmed to her theory. “Add that to this new Ville’s love for hotdogs, and—”

“Oh, come  _ on,  _ Jonna!” Riikka giggled. “Are you seriously suggesting that Hannu’s roommate used to be a dog?”

Jonna’s laughter joined hers. “Okay, maybe not. But you have to admit, there’s a lot of coincidences there. And Hannu is hiding something.” She shook her head. “I wish he wouldn’t. We’re his friends. Whatever his secret is, he should trust us with it.” 

They walked in silence for a while after that. Jonna seemed content to enjoy the evening, but Riikka couldn’t stop turning her words over in her head. Not the speculation about Hannu; whatever was going on with him and Ville, he’d either tell them in time, or he wouldn’t. But Jonna’s comment about trust and secrets wouldn’t leave her. 

She’d been keeping her own secret all these years, worrying at it for so long that it had worn grooves in her heart. She’d never thought of spilling it, not really, but recently...she’d started to wonder what the point was. Jonna was her best friend. They spent half their lives together anyway; what was the worst that could happen, if she told? Jonna might not share her feelings...but she wouldn’t push her away. 

“Hey.” Jonna nudged Riikka with her elbow, scattering her thoughts. “You’re awfully quiet. What are you thinking about?”

This was it. She could tell, or she could keep quiet. She’d always held her silence in the past, and it had worked just fine. But maybe it was time to take a different path.

“Secrets,” she said, answering Jonna’s question. Then, before she could change her mind, “One secret, actually. Something I’ve been wanting to tell you for a long time, I just couldn’t figure out how.” She stopped walking, caught Jonna’s arm so she turned to face her. “I like you, Jonna. I mean, obviously I do, we’re friends, but...I want us to be more than that.” She willed herself to meet Jonna’s eyes, which had gone wide with shock. 

“You...do?” Jonna blinked, shook her head, then refocused. “Oh. Okay.” She removed Riikka’s hand from her arm but didn’t let go of it, simply turned it so their fingers could twine together. Her other hand came to rest on Riikka’s cheek. “I’d like that.” Her smile came back then, fierce and radiant like the sun breaking through the clouds. Riikka took that as an invitation to stretch up and kiss her.

The wind picked up as they strolled back to town, but neither of them made any attempt to replace their hands in their pockets. Between the warm glow in her chest and Jonna’s hand hot against hers, Riikka didn’t feel the cold at all.


End file.
